The Gamble Life

Chess: Not for the Impatient

This is the board as it stood when Gus got to say "checkmate" to me for the first time.  He and I are learning together.  All our other games have ended in a stalemate, sometimes legitimately and sometimes I have to do a bit of wrangling to get it there.  I'm glad that I finally have a (very, very) basic understanding of chess, but it is not the game for me.  It is so slow!  Gus likes to talk through all his possible moves and the various possible consequences of those moves while I slowly lose my mind.  I like to make rash and dramatic moves and see what happens.  Losing pieces is mostly what happens, but on the bright side it speeds the game up and makes Gus happy.

I'm going to keep reading the chess books we got from the library and see if I can learn some fancy moves or patience.  And I'll keep playing with Gus since he keeps asking me to play, but I think a good chess computer/video/handheld game is going on MY wishlist for Gus' birthday present!

The Vomit Chronicles, Part II

Subtitle:  The Grossest Thing I've Ever Lived Through

Well, Gus decided to join the ranks of people who've vomited, poor thing.  And poor me, because he climbed into bed with us feeling crummy.  I knew it was probably coming and had prepared a bowl, towels, etc.  However I did not prepare for my sweet child's instinctive turn towards his mother at the critical moment.  If you have a weak stomach you may not want to read further. 

Yes, he vomited right into my face.  

He's resting up in my bed right now, reading and playing games on my phone.  He most recent words "Mom, I don't want to eat anything."  Poor kid.  

An illness like this, though horrible of course, does in a perverse way make me feel accomplished as a parent.  I mean, I certainly wouldn't want anyone other than one of my kids to vomit in my face!  I know he'll get better and so I can focus on trying to make him comfortable, rubbing his back, helping him sip gatorade, that kind of thing.  Still hope it's over fast!

Gus & Sports

Saturday was Gus' last soccer game of the season.  This was his first time playing soccer and from my perspective he found it somewhat difficult to get into the groove of it.  Part of it was just that he really didn't know the rules of the game, hadn't seen anyone else playing the game (except for recess soccer, not really the same thing), and obviously hadn't played himself.  And, as it turns out, we joined a team that the majority of the members had been together for two years already. 

His coaches were great though--very encouraging and they did not emphasize winning, which is good because they maybe, maybe won one game, but I'm pretty sure they didn't actually win any.

Frustrating for me was that Gus would so often not pay any attention to the game at all.  He would beg to be goalie and then spend his time facing away from the field fiddling with the ties that keep the net on the frame.  It was a lesson for me to not yell at him, but just to remind him before hand to pay attention and then let him learn, or not, on his own.

At the last game though, he did have some good plays including this save:

Of course later in the same game he managed to get his foot completely tangled in the net (not while saving a ball or anything, just because he was sticking his feet through the net) and needed help getting free from his coach.

I've also struggled because this team has it's share of boys (and yes, it's only the boys on the team doing this, not the girls) telling other kids they aren't good or knocking other kids over or otherwise doing things that are mean or verge on mean.  Gus was definitely on the receiving end of some of this, but it's so hard to tell from a distance whether he was on both ends, whether the kids were having fun pushing or what.  At least one time Gus was really upset and couldn't get a little boy to stop bothering him so I had to go and talk to Gus about what he could do, and tell the other boy to cut it out.

But whenever I asked Gus always said he enjoying soccer, he wants to play again in the spring, and he likes the kids (mostly).  He always took off from the car, leaving me and Abe to trail behind him, and ran all the way to practice or a game; he always wanted to go.

An interesting thing happened that helps me relax about his playing sports.  It happened after the last game, when the kids were gathered prior to the trophy ceremony.  All the kids were yelling about how many different trophies they have at home and Gus was just looking around and quiet.  My first thought was that he was feeling bad because he only has one trophy at home (from T-Ball), but almost at exactly the same time that I thought that he broke out in a big grin and yelled "I have one trophy!  This is my second!" and it occurred to me that rather than feeling inadequate, left out, or bad, maybe he was just figuring out how he was supposed to be behaving.  And then, when he figured out what all the kids were doing, he joined right in, really happy and confident.

That I think, is what I am most glad he is getting from being on these teams.  It's a completely different experience for him than school is (especially since he attends a Montessori school), completely different than a playdate, or the friends he's had his whole life in Austin.  It's rougher and causes me more worry, but it's giving him a chance to experience social mores he is unfamiliar with and figure them out and decide for himself if he wants to participate in them.  And I do believe he is exercising judgment because he also told me, after a run-in with a bigger boy, "Those big boys are all the same, they always ask you how old you are first.  They think being older makes them special.  They are crazy."

Of course, if he learns to love organized sports I think that will be a big plus too.

Concentration

I love when these intense moments happen all on their own.  Kids are able to drop everything and focus on the one thing they are doing right then.  A skill many of us have given up in favor of doing everything at once, a sad loss I think. 

As a stay-at-home mom I put expectations on myself to get a lot "done."  It helps make me feel productive and I think it's a natural inclination based on what a day at home would have been like before kids.  Then I end up trying to do several things at once and the next thing I know my project is messed up, I'm cooking dinner late, Abe is hanging on my leg, and Gus is snacking from hunger and won't be hungry when dinner is ready.  I'm trying hard not to worry about what I get done.  I won't get as many tangible projects finished, perhaps, but I'm not staying home to finish projects, I'm staying home to spend the time with my kids. 

We're all happier when I make sure we have time to focus on what moves us right then, when our transitions are calm and peaceful, and when I can put my attention on them 100% for part of the day.  What are you working on right now?

Pirates on the High Seas

Our family vacation this year was to the Outer Banks, NC...a great area.  One of the things we did was take Gus (and Abe, who they made me pay for!) on a pirate adventure.  Gus was very excited leading up to it but then when we got there he seemed decidedly unhappy.  I was really not sure how it was going to turn out.

I paid for him so I went ahead and got his name tag and "tattoo"!

Gunship Gus here still looking like maybe he'll just wait onshore, thanks.

When they started giving the kids jobs like "Look Out!" and "All Hands on Deck" Gus thankfully started to enjoy himself more.

He took "All hands on Deck" very seriously and always, always ran back and put his hands on the deck.

Abe sent the entire time eating pretzels, looking around, and sweating.

One of the very best parts was shooting the bad Pirate Pete with the water cannons.

Look at Gus' happy expression after the kids forced Pirate Pete to give up and give back the keys to the treasure chest!

Poor Abe, still sweating and eating pretzels.

We took a ten minute break from treasure hunting because dolphins were swimming all around our boat.  It was really neat.  The kids were all so excited to be so close to the dolphins.

I didn't have my telephoto lens and also the dolphins only come up for seconds, always somewhere you aren't expecting them, but I still couldn't resist trying to get some pictures of them.

Pretty much before, during, and immediately after I thought this whole pirate adventure thing was just a big money suck for parents.  And there is no denying that it was expensive and they had a million extra things they wanted to sell you, and the "treasure" the kids got was of course hideous cheap plastic "gold" coins and plastic rings.

But.  Gus had so much fun.  And he talked about it for days afterwards.  He loved that the kids were able to defeat Pirate Pete.  He loved having treasure and counted his coins and rings multiple times.  When we saw another group going out a couple of days later he wanted to go with them.

What I think is that he was at the perfect age for this event.  Old enough to understand everything and really enjoy it, old enough to not get scared (one poor three year old cried for pretty much the entire hour and a half; it was heartbreaking), young enough to really get into it.  And also, this was the one and only time for him to do this adventure.  So it really was a special experience that we gave him.  (Some kids on the boat clearly did it every year and I'm not sure why their parents bothered as they spent half their time telling all the new kids what would happen next and looking bored.) 

I think what I take from all this is that as a parent I want to try and make sure we do the things at the right time, when our kids will enjoy them most, and to make them special (and unique) and to keep them that way.

Camp at Home: Rock Week, Part 2

We went on a rock hunt the other day as part of Rock Camp.  We have been identifying the kinds of rocks we see and find.  We didn't have a lot of time so we struck out for the water easement across the street from our house.  We're so lucky to live where we do because there are all these big water easements woven throughout the development which leads to a lot of easily accessible green space.  It had rained that day and the day before so we could hear toads and owls and it was really like we were in a forest somewhere instead of a few hundred feet from our house.

Gus caught his first wild toad.  I think he’s held some baby toads from my mother’s pond, but those are practically tame.

Gus was introduced to the Magic Tree House books at the end of last school year and so far this summer he's read 37 of the 42 books in the series.   At the beginning of the summer he'd read the title and chapter titles and I'd read all the text but now he reads the entire book to himself.   It's incredible to see him walking and reading or riding in the car and reading...just like I used to do.  One of the characters in the books, Jack, wears his backpack everywhere and takes notes on his adventures, so here is Gus taking some notes, while wearing his backpack. 

Using the tree bridge to cross:

And tying his own shoe(Yay!) with no complaining, frustration, or asking for help.  Back when he was learning how to do this I definitely had some days when I thought "forget it! Velcro forever!"  It's an amazing thing to watch your child grow up and to see how much he learns.  An even more amazing thing that I’ve got this opportunity to spend so much time with my kids and really be a part of their adventures.  These past couple of weeks all of us have been feeling a little bit like we’ve had enough of each other.  So Gus is going to an amazing art camp in the afternoons this week and I’m trying to focus on how cool both my boys really are.

Abe

Since Gus was born we haven't used an alarm clock due to a sad lack of need.  Kids are such early risers!  Gus is actually sleeping a bit later these days, sometimes until 7, but Abe has handily picked up the slack.  He doesn't cry or scream in the mornings though, instead my personal alarm is more like an emperor calling a servant.

Mama!
Mama!
Maaamaaa!
MAMA!
MamaMamaMama!
MAAMAA!!!

It continues like that from about 5:15 until I figure that he really is awake no matter how much I wish he wasn't.  Of course when I go in to pick him up he greets me with arms outstretched and an enormous smile so that makes up for a lot.

We had another great day at the pool, but Abe didn't want to wear his hand and I think his eyelids got a little burned so I feel terrible.  It doesn't seem to be bothering him, but you can bet he'll be wearing his hat from now even if he does hate it.

Here is he modeling his post-pool hair.

Why Rush the Grow-up?

I carry Abe in a sling (exactly like this one, only in black) pretty much everywhere.  He's heavy, at least 23 pounds, and I find strollers to be a lot of trouble.  But lately I have started to get a lot of comments:  "he'll just show up walking one day!" "are you going to carry him in that until he's walking?" "he's going to be five and you'll still have him in there!" "Is he going to learn how to walk?"  Man!  What gives?  I've never heard anyone make similar comments to a mom with their baby in a stroller and that stroller-riding baby is getting exactly the same lack of walking that a sling-baby is. 

There is something about being unabashedly close to your baby that starts to make people, especially other parents, uncomfortable after a certain age.  I do not even want to start a giant controversy here but it is the same with nursing, co-sleeping, or kissing.  Once your baby starts to look like a kid folks expect you to put away all that snuggling you do, or keep it at home and not talk about it.

So I think when they see me still holding Abe close to my body in his sling they don't know how to react because they aren't used to it, or it makes them wish they held their own babies longer, or something.  Most people enjoy seeing a newborn nurse, but feel funny seeing a toddler nurse and I think my sling is generating those feelings too.  Abe had a bit of a growth spurt over the last week and he looks more toddler-ish and less baby-ish now and I guess people have noticed.

Believe me, I use the stroller plenty.  At 23 pounds I have to!  He's too heavy to carry for long distances (like at the airport or on a long walk), even in the sling.  Strollers are great, but for us a sling is something special.  Abe never cries in the sling, he can nuzzle right against my face or chest and get comfort, he can turn away from someone who might be demanding too much attention from him (he's got nowhere to go to get away in a stroller), in a sling he can choose how much to interact with other folks (and sometimes he chooses so much interaction I pop him right out and hand him over!), he can rest his head and close his eyes or he can look around and take it all in.

I love my sling and I know Abe loves it too.  We aren't going to stop using it anytime soon, no matter how many silly comments we get.

Travel With Kids: Only When You Have To!

Actually, I don't believe that.  I've traveled with Gus by myself many times, and with both Gus and Abe twice now and all of the trips have gone fine, even the time Gus and I missed our flight and spent many, many, many hours in the Dallas airport (tip #1 - budget to buy some treats during layovers).

I don't travel with video games or movies, which probably top the list of most parents travel tips, as I find them heavy, not that interesting, and not something I want to encourage anyway.

My best suggestion is just to adjust your expectations.  I never pack any knitting or a book for myself anymore because I know I'm not going to get to it and having it in my carry-on just takes up room I need to carry more activity books for Gus!

A good carry-on is one bag, big but not insanely so, that can fit a change of clothes for each child, diapers (and I travel with cloth; it's really not a problem), your refillable bottle of water (or two), snacks, your travel wallet/regular wallet, activities and games for each child, and your cell phone.  I use this bag in large and absolutely love it; before Abe I carried the medium size.  Cheap and sturdy and if it gets a stain or a spill it isn't a big deal.

One thing about air travel and children is that they always seem to get sick.  It isn't surprising in the least since I am convinced that airplanes are straightened but not actually cleaned.  Before we touch the armrests, the window, or the seat tray I wipe down everything with alcohol wipes.  When I am diligent about the wipes no one gets sick.

The kinds of activities and games you bring are important too.  The very best are the kind your child will use alone, without your involvement!  A roll of scotch tape is great for a baby.  Abe went to town enjoying the stickiness of it.  It is wasteful, but actually he used very little, probably 3 or 4 feet of tape total and amused himself for a good long time.  For Gus I always pack an assortment of new activity books.  When he was younger easy ones like the kind you "paint" with water and easy mazes.  Now I pack more challenging word games, easy sudoku, dot to dots, etc.  And a new pack of crayons!  I used to pack playdoh but it always made an unholy mess that I felt compelled to clean up because I didn't want anyone's clothes to get ruined who got the seat on the next flight.  It was very good for amusing him though.  Games with small pieces are a bad idea, for obvious reasons.

Favorite snacks are a really good activity too!  Easy and fun to eat with minimal mess are definitely the way to go.  Grapes, peeled boiled eggs, nuts, apple slices, popcorn...and follow it up with a compressed, biodegradable cloth.  These cloths are like magic--they clean really well and watching them expand is another fun thing for the kids to do!

Finally, I say avoid the bulkhead seats.  These are often offered to parents, I guess because they have more legroom, but the armrests are those giant fixed into place ones which make the seats really restrictive.  I like to put the armrests up and then the three of us can share two seats.  I also like to sit near the rear food prep area because when the flight attendants aren't using it that is a great space to let little ones stretch out, stand up, and just generally move around.  Abe spent at least a half hour playing with the handle on the food carts on our last flight.  I also let my kids walk or crawl up and down the aisle.  They don't run, grab people, or really even talk to anyone unless the person talks to them first.  Gus knows to be polite and move out of the way of anyone coming by and he knows to listen for an announcement about seatbelts.  Being able to move and walk around is healthy, first of all, and so good for preventing the fidgits!  Especially if you are holding a baby on your lap you and the baby both need to move around a little.  Getting a little exercise going up and down the aisle prevents that overwhelming desire to kick the seat, raise and lower the tray, or lean over the back of the seat into the row behind.

So take that trip!  And have fun!

Does anyone have a good, simple explanation for what a horizon is and why you can see it in the distance but never up close?  That was my and Gus' conversation on the way to school today.  I did my best but I think he is still a little confused...he wants to see one up close and I think maybe thinks that the horizon is one place or thing even though I explained in a couple of different ways that every place can be the horizon from some other place and that really it is a just a trick of the eye and a name.  I'd love to be able to demonstrate it to him more tangibly, maybe somehow with out globe?  If you've got any good ideas let me know!

In other growing-up news Gus started telling me that his feet were hurting in his shoes.  Yeah, maybe because they are size 11 and it turns out he needs size 12.5!  Go Maya.  Well, he's got them now.  And the whole shoe buying process and its aftermath really have me thinking.  Here's how it went, I say we're going to get you new shoes and he says "I want lace-ups, not velcro."  I'm all for that and in fact he'd never had velcro until we moved here and his teacher told me to buy him velcro because they didn't want to deal with the laces.  So he can't really tie his shoes yet, although he is very close.  I am not the best teacher however! 

But the interesting part of this (to me) is that he has started a movement in his class.  He was so excited and proud to show off his new shoes at school and the other moms are telling me that their kids are coming home and saying they need new shoes too.  And one little boy even picked out the exact same pair. 

This is so interesting to me...the shoes Gus chose happen to be Nike's but he chose them absent from any influence from advertising since he doesn't see any advertising.  I don't think the other boys in his class like them because they are Nike's I think they like them because they are new and clean and lace-ups (so grown-up).  It isn't peer-pressure, but it is definitely a peer-bonding thing going on!  I think there is something intrinsic to clothing that makes it a bonding experience absent from advertising, which I would otherwise be inclined to blame. 

Unrelated happy clothes news:  Gus really likes matching clothes with Abe!  As an only child the only thing I really longed for sibling-wise was someone to match clothes with.  And at four and a half years apart I thought that Gus might not go for it, but I guess he is still young enough that he thinks it's fun.  And he really likes Abe (yay!) so I'm sure that helps.  I'm taking advantage of it now because I think the styles will start changing pretty soon and I won't be able to find matching clothes in size 3 and 8 or whatever.  I can keep knitting them matching sweaters though!