I think perhaps five years old is a magical age. Gus wants lots of attention and wants to spend a lot of time with me still (this is good!) but he is able to participate in what I'm doing at a whole new level. I've been working on sewing some Easter bunnies (They are finished! It's very rainy though so I can't get a good picture today.) and Gus said he wanted to sew too. He went through my scraps and picked out some fabrics he liked (good taste, huh, choosing the Kaffe Fassett fabric!). I loaded up a needle and showed him how to sew and he sat down next to me and sewed away while I worked on my sewing.
He decided he wanted to make pillows so after he sewed three sides he turned it right-side out, put in a little stuffing, and sewed it closed. The button was also his idea--and his choice from my stash of buttons.
He ended up making several pillows and I think will want to do it again another day. I remember learning to sew also, and I'm excited he is interested. I've also been teaching him to knit and he's doing a pretty good job at that too. He wants to knit his brother a blanket. I'm trying to make sure these skills stay fun. It's a fine line because he wants to do a good job, but if it becomes too hard then he won't want to do it at all. I remember his first Montessori teacher told me once (and I've since read it other places as well) that I never needed to point out what he had done incorrectly or less-well, that he'll grow to see those mistakes himself. Instead, point out what he has done correctly and well so that he is excited by his mastery and progress. And this really works--when I admired a particularly small and neat stitch I could see that he slowed down and tried to make the next stitch similarly small and neat. It's hard as a parent sometimes, not to point out to your child where they fall short because you want them to learn and do well. But they also want to learn and do well, and they will see their own shortcomings without any help and strive to improve on them if they believe that they can, which appropriate praise will help them believe.
I am NOT talking about the incessant and obviously false constant stream of "Good Job!" you hear from some parents (I've heard parents complimenting their children with such over-the-top and unending streams of Good job! that I've had to move to another part of the park! "Good job digging that hole! (to a child older than age two)"). No, I'm talking about sincere, thoughtful acknowledgment more than praise. For example, when Gus practices writing his numbers we will sit down and choose our favorites. In this way he sees without my saying so that some 5s (for example) are formed better than others and he can be proud of the beautiful 5 he wrote but also realize that all his 5s could be that good. But from me he hears about the beautiful 5, not the 5s that you have to already know are 5s to recognize them.
As a parent I love my kids so much and I want them to be happy and smart and all those things. But it isn't my job to unnaturally boost them up. I have to find a way to support their intrinsic confidence without turning them into praise-junkies, a way to foster their willingness and interest in learning and tackling difficult tasks without making things so easy that they crumble at the first difficulty and without making things so hard that they suck can't have fun. It's a tough balance, but such an important one.
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