The Gamble Life

No Changing the Past

Do you ever find yourself going back over all the dumb or mean things you've done in your life and wishing you could somehow go back and change your behavior?  I have a, well, a list of things that I wish I hadn't done or said (mostly said) and every now and then I just can't get them out of my head.  I know I'm just human like the rest of us and we all hurt other peoples' feelings sometimes, but something about these situations won't go away.

So I've been trying to figure out what it is about these particular occasions that sticks with me.  Most of them I won't be sharing, but here's an example.  Seven years ago I went on a knitting retreat weekend with one of my friends.  It was super fun and someday I hope to do something like that again.  Anyway, one of the classes was taught by a woman who had just completed everything to be a "Master Knitter" certified by the national knitting guild (I no longer remember all the specifics).  It's a rigorous process that usually takes a knitter a year or two to complete; the last task is to design a garment from scratch.  She was telling us about how her garment had been accepted for publication in a knitting magazine (called Spin Off or something like that; I can't remember exactly which magazine anymore).  So what did I say?

I said "oh, that magazine is full of really dowdy patterns."  Nice.  I still feel bad about this.  I know I tried to fix it some by saying "I'm sure yours isn't and every issue has some patterns I like, they are always technically great, blah blah blah".  I was rude and I shouldn't have said that; why didn't I just keep my mouth shut and say "Congratulations!"?  I think I was feeling a bad combination of insecure (because her technical skills were better than mine) and conceited (because I was probably the best knitter at the retreat).  Not an excuse of course.

Another time I was probably about 8 or 9 and my mom had a little frozen yogurt shop in a room that faced the street but that was attached to a bar.  I used to check under all the pool tables for dropped quarters and one of the bartenders was really nice and one day he called me over to give me a free maraschino cherry.  Now, I didn't say this to him, I said it to my mom, but he was standing on the other side of her...still, I said "Gross, I hate these rubbery cherries."  Okay.  What's wrong with "thank you" and just tossing the cherry out of his sight?  Or giving it to my mom, who for some unfathomable reason actually likes those things?  I don't know.  Sure, I was young, but still, I should have known better.  I did know better, but a lot of my childhood involved me learning that I wasn't the most important person in the room (maybe everyone's is?).

There are more, and unfortunately I don't think I'm even done making this kind of move.  I know I did it within the past couple of years and that's one I won't put here.

Today these are just running through my mind making me feel bad.  And I'm trying to figure out, did I just do this again and don't realize it yet?  And I about to do it again?  Is it just a mental alarm that reminds me every so often in order to hopefully prevent any more incidents?  I don't know.  Anybody else have something like this that they keep coming back to?

12:365 Finished

11:365 Beginning

10:365 The Besieged Artist, Age 6

On Sunday we took Gus to the "Flappet" workshop at the Museum of Life & Science, run and inspired by artist Steve Gerberich.  In 2008 Gus went to a different workshop, same artist, at which he made and raced a car.  If an exhibit by Steve Gerberich is coming to your town you should check it out and that goes double for one of his workshops!

Gus got to handle a battery drill, a glue gun, a battery jigsaw (no pictures of that -- I was too busy hovering in case a quick rescue was necessary!), and exercise his imagination.  He chose to make a Flappet Zooey (modeled after his aunt's dog) with ears and tail that move.  Apparently he got tired of my asking him to let me take pictures.  We decided to finish the painting at home, and I think we may do that after school today since dinner is already in the crock pot (yes!).

Scenes of Gus at work:

9:365 Ice

8:365 Dreams

7:365 Go Horns!

A Year of Knitting

Well, almost.  Actually, the mosaic maker I used limited me to 36 photos so I actually had about 30 more things I knit over the last year that I couldn't include. 

It was a great year for me, knitting-wise.  I learned a bunch of new stuff.  I knit my first socks ever (followed by lots and lots more), my first beaded knitting (love the result, tolerate the process), my first knitting with lace weight yarn, got a bit addicted to lace knitting, and knit a lot of toys, baby sweaters, and hats.

I credit my recent increase in love of knitting to Ravelry.  It's a wonderful place to get inspired and encouraged and to learn about a lot of knitting you wouldn't otherwise see.  And it's a great place to keep track of all your knitting with pictures and notes; then even if you give it away and never see it in person again you have a record of it and can share it with other knitters. 

And, I also figured out one of those pointless but fun facts:  I knit over 21,000 yards of yarn last year!  That makes it okay that I bought at least that much yarn last year, right? 

6:365

5:365